Single 4 Life

And before anyone starts showering me with empty platitudes like, “oh you’ll find someone” or “don’t give up” or my favorite: “well, when you stop looking is when you’ll find him.”

Don’t get me wrong, encouragement is fine. But all this advice comes from people who AREN’T single. Seriously.

I am happy single, honestly. I want a partner but I am not in a place right now. I dated a super sweet and considerate man for about 3 months. A couple of realizations happened.

1. I constantly felt as if I wasn’t giving him enough attention. Mind you, this WAS NOT coming from him. It is my programming to pay attention to my partner. I felt like I was inattentive and that he would find someone else more attentive, so I broke it off.

2. I learned that not everyone has the same view on relationship as I do. Example:

When I care about someone, that means I will walk beside you through it all. You’re sick? I will bring food by. You have to go to the hospital for whatever reason? I’m your wing person. I can sit with you, bring food, clothes or whatever. Perhaps that’s not a good thing… feedback or reactions have been unfavorable.

So, until I figure it out or someone can deal with “me”, I will raise my kids in peace and build a life I love. Maybe along the way, I will meet my human, if one exists.

Until any of that… I am Single 4 Life.

RvW

Today a decision came down that I have to admit I have very mixed and very strong feelings about. I know… mixed AND strong? Yes. Very.

Mixed because on 1 hand, I ache for the unborn. I know that abortion is a brutal procedure, horrible, to say the least. I hate that it is considered a viable option of birth control.  But…

On the other hand, the definition of abortion as a medical procedure is so wide that it blanketly includes things like ectopic pregnancies, fetal demise and ignores the mother’s health, both mental and physical.  This provides zero protection for women who have very real  medical issues, both mental and physical, and for whom carrying a baby to term could cost their lives.

And… what about the issue of rape, incest, reproductive abuse (oh wait… that’s being forced to carry a pregnancy, right?)  I know the stats. Very few raped women end up pregnant. However, incest is a different situation where the female is abused multiple times and the likelihood is very real and incredibly scary… think for a minute if your tweenager ended up pregnant… what would YOU want done to help your daughter? Would you ask for the trauma to continue for the rest of her life?  Because, this is the life sentence faced by a victim of this circumstance while a pedophile walks away.

I’m not just talking about your daughters either… what about trans men/boys who are raped or abused?  Yeah, hate crimes, but that’s real too… That’s a whole other horrifying sermon and it ends with the trans male most likely killed by suicide because he doesnt identify as female much less have the capacity to carry a child.

Again. Presenting situations.  Oh? These situations aren’t likely? Hmmm, as a mother of 5 AFAB, I think I have this covered.  You see, this little slice of legal even further increases the likelihood of me outliving my children.

Let’s look at another scenario, shall we?

There are loads of medicines, both illicit and legal,  that are guaranteed to give birth defects. Just suppose you or your loved one is on Lithium or Dilantin… both are practically guaranteed to cause severe birth defects or fetal demise. Now… you figure it out.  What would you do in or connected to that situation?

For those left in the dark ages that believe this is solely about the babies… wake up a minute… your government who is too busy pointing fingers to take responsibility for anything… wants to essentially control yours or your loved one’s womb. 

Women have lost a right today because men think they need to be in control…  should I be more specific? AMAB people who want to say what you do with your body, women… these same fucktards couldn’t find the courage to MAKE people take an immunization against a deadly virus, but by God, women will carry a baby even if it kills them, kills the baby or worse… babies flood the already overburdened GOVERNMENT foster care system that is PLAGUED with abuse of all kinds.

And you think they, the government, care about your belief in God? No. They don’t.  It’s about control. Don’t screw up human rights and wrap it in Jesus’s cloak.

Jesus wouldn’t advocate for abortion, but I also know that Jesus certainly didn’t advocate for the church to become the homogenous mass of judgemental people it has become.

If we want better, we must do better. We must BE better.

Damn tired.

Oh words… they have held such power over my life. Mutilated my heart and stabbed at my mind. What I could be or couldnt be, whether I was smart enough to compete (yes really), talent/no talent and on and on…

I have a few words for the nay sayers, under estimators, haters, mistrusters, etc… you only thought you won, but every hurt, every negative comment, every little dig just made me try harder, reach higher and prove you TF wrong.

And here’s the kicker. I’ve grown and healed over time and now, I’m cleaning up all the mess left by ignorance, pride, addiction and lies about the stuff no body talks about. Your mess.

All of it ends with me.

Time or lack thereof

I started thinking today as I was driving home about my time and how I spend my most precious commodity. It seems there are more and more demands on my time and quite frankly I have trouble balancing all of it as a single mom who has a career and who is still raising kids. Oh and I also battle a chronic disease and depression.

I find myself busy right now with 3 kids at home and I ever was with all of them under my roof. 2 of them have 3 appointments each every month. One has an extracurricular class 2 to 3 times a week. During the school year there are things like after school clubs that are part of the schedule as well.

Then there are my own doctor’s appointments, multiple trips to the pharmacy multiple trips to the grocery store ….oh and don’t forget I work across town now so navigating downtown traffic is also another fun event to add to my daily routine.

None of the above include things like cleaning up the kitchen, fixing dinner, trying to get laundry done, trying to keep the house at least livable… Eating as healthy as possible on the run, remembering to text people back, remember to check multiple emails…

And I wonder #whyMichelleisstillsingle ?

These days I spend a lot of time in my head because I realize I can be hurtful, demanding and whiny. I don’t mean to be, but sometimes it just falls out. What does this have to do with time? Well… it takes more time for me to figure out what I need help with and actually ask than it does for me to just keep moving (or try to) and do whatever it is myself.

Then there’s dating and relationships. Literally every single person I meet says the same thing about a full plate… That’s full of responsibility …and basically they’re not gonna help so they just kind of stand back and watch the show.. Which is really a nice way of saying thanks but no thanks.

I get it. I do. I can’t help but wonder if someone actually did 1 thing to help, that I would have exponentially more time for that person than them waiting for me on the sidelines. *sigh*

So that’s it for time. I know I’ve written about it before. My life never gets any less. Even when the kids are raised and I’m an empty nester… it’s never less.

Which explains once again…. #WhyMichelleIsStillSingle

Flourish

A rose garden in full bloom, fragrant and alive with not only growth but buzzing of bees… the garden is flourishing. Not just surviving.

Relationships that are built on respect, kept promises, honest and open communication peppered with grace. Those relationships flourish. The grow.

Things that flourish are just surviving. They have learned to grow deep and beautiful despite any circumstance. Those things that flourish are determined to grow beyond expectations or limitation.

It’s a growth of strength, not a course of meandering growth but a determined and focused growth. Growth past obstacles, past estimation, beyond what was originally expected or assigned.

To flourish would encourage deliberate energy aimed for the purpose of making life better.

I think this growth can be natural. Some flowers, people and situations flourish without external validation. Others who have been cut short, stagnated due to trauma, require someone to come alongside to pace and encourage. These people (encouragers) are the sunshine souls whose rays of attention come to those in life’s darkest places to shine and chase darkness away so that person can flourish.

It would occur to me that to be one you must first need or have need of 1. One person can change the course of an existence, likewise, growth is contagious.

Flourishing, then, becomes contagious. And what an encouragement that is in today’s culture of toxic individualism.